sometimes...

... we have a bad day.  sometimes we have a bad week.  sometimes we go weeks without a bad one, but this sometime was this week.  it's been long.  it's been stressful.

But, and this is more important than all of that, there were small blessings, moments of joy and happiness, smiles, giggles, tickles, and play.  It's often difficult (for me anyway) to always keep that in mind.  Times get hard, emotionally, physically, financially, spiritually, or in any other way (or a combination), and it is often the focus of my attention.  Sometimes I cannot let go of things.  Sometimes I cannot see past things that are tough to see the brightness.  Sometimes I try, and sometimes I fail.  But, more importantly, sometimes I can see the good through the tough, stressful, upsetting, or sad.

Sometimes I feel like I'm not the greatest mom, sometimes I am a great mom.  This week was long, stressful, difficult.  We had tears (not just the girls, me too- ahh, who doesn't love increased hormones due to pregnancy), bickering, two little girls who would not listen, more bickering, biting (yes, biting by both of them- Wednesday afternoon was no fun), did I mention bickering?!  I got frustrated, I attempted to be patient, I did my very best to be understanding of circumstances and development, I prayed for patience and understanding, yet there were times when I was not.  I had to be more firm with Chloe than I like.  I had to lay down the law after giving the benefit of the doubt.  I had to physically restrain Berkley when she was so overtired tonight that she wouldn't stop screaming, hitting, and kicking me.  I don't like to do those things.  I don't like to feel like I'm losing my cool.  Patience is my goal, always.  I usually keep it well, but after a week like this past week, I simply couldn't, and today was my breaking point.

I hate feeling hard on my girls; I hate raising my voice; I hate having to say "no" (I am sure many of you are rolling your eyes and thinking, 'Seriously?!?!?' but yes, "no" is never my word of choice.  Among many reasons for disliking using "no" with my girls is this one); I don't like to feel like an enemy or one to be disliked especially from a little and a mini that I love so much.  Unfortunately, sometimes being a parent includes these things.  They are often inevitable, but that doesn't make it any easier...

Being a mom is the greatest blessing.  Even though being a mom is also hard at times, it is still the greatest, most amazing blessing.  It's not always easy, some days it isn't all that fun, but when I think back on the good versus the bad, I realize the good is greater, more frequent, and oh so amazing.  The stress, the hard days, the loss of complete patience, the physical pain pregnancy can bring, the emotional aspect of being a mother, the inability to jump on the tramp without peeing your pants, peeing a little when you cough, sneeze, or laugh (wow, I never imagined being a mom would lead to so many urinary problems), crying when you don't know how to handle a situation, hours of prayer that your children will be safe and that you will be good enough for them and many other things that I'm sure I've not included here are far inferior to the happiness, joy, and blessings I've experienced being a mom.  And I'm so extremely grateful that I get to relive all of those wonderful things with the sweet spirit I am carrying now.  I never knew that being a mom would end up being exactly what I've always wanted to be when I grew up- what a delightful, glorious, no words can compare feeling.

To sweet Chloe, mini Berkley, and our little bean: I love you so much, and your Daddy does, too.  We are so blessed to have you.  Because of you we have the world.  Because of you we know what true happiness is.  Because of you we know true love.  Because of you we are eternally blessed :)

Sometimes it is hard, but it will always, always be worth it!