Trials and blessings...

I'm usually not the type to blog about my life, though we all know that I always blog pictures and stories about my little girls (who aren't so little anymore). But, life has been, well, life and I feel the urge to talk about trials and blessings.

Life is full of trials for all of us; each persons tribulations are personal to them, difficult and frustrating, upsetting and stressful.

Berkley has been sleeping VERY sporadically, all night long one night, waking a couple of times the next, and up nearly every hour on the hour the next night. It's hard not having the opportunity to spend as much one-on-one time with my girls as I'd like. I miss spending time with my amazing husband because my nights are consumed by getting & keeping Berkley asleep and, new to the mix, Chloe waking up nightly. And, as always, finances. Money sucks...period. Almost more stressful than all the others is not knowing what is next for me in life. We all have a path, one that undoubtedly leads back to Heaven, but one that Heavenly Father has for us. After prayers, fasts, and hours of thought have left me still wondering what else there is for me in this life. I'm sure many of you are thinking that there are many wonderful things to come, and I'm certain you are right, but what decisions do I need to make to get there? Most people aren't as analytical about these things as I am, but I cannot help who I am after 26 years of life. When I think about, pray about, talk about decisions, my head and my heart don't match, which makes it even more difficult. I desire to choose the right decisions to take the path that is set for me, and yes, we do have the agency to pick and choose what we do in this life, but I cannot help but know that there are things we are supposed to do, and it is those things that I yearn for...

My trials might not seem as serious as others, but they are personal to me. I know that trials are a test in this life- they test our faith. My faith throughout the last year has not been without fail, I have definitely had periods of doubt after hours and hours of prayer and personal suffering. However, I know that these trials are for my growth, which is the only thing that keeps me hanging on. I'm not sure that I can say that I am grateful for my tribulations, but I acknowledge and understand that without them I would not appreciate all the blessings that I have. Blessings cannot be without trials, for we would not know them. The same goes for good and evil, right and wrong. So, now onto my blessings...

First and foremost, my family. I would be nothing without Chloe & Berkley, they are my world. Chad is so amazing, so much so that words cannot describe my love, adoration, and appreciation. My parents (yep, that's you mom and dad) for the foundation of the person I have become and for your undying love and support through all of my decisions, ups and downs. And for a "big" brother whom I shared some of the best years of my life (love you, Mike, that is if you are even reading this). I would be unappreciative if I didn't include probably the most involved grandparents anyone could have ever asked for as a child (and an adult). Family is everything, it is eternal, and it is where you find more love than anywhere on this earth. I love all of you so much; you all are my greatest blessings!!
I'm grateful for being a mother. Being a mom is definitely not the easiest job (not to mention, it's not the cleanest), but it is eternally rewarding. Even though I am up almost all night with Berkley most days (and sometimes I wonder why I even go to bed) and there are days when I swear Chloe doesn't hear a word that comes out of my mouth, I am grateful to have had the opportunity to bring these spirits to earth and have this experience. I am grateful to care, love, and nurture these sweet girls, to help and watch them grow. They make me smile every day (though some days less than others), and I wouldn't trade them for anything...
My faith is an ultimate blessing; without it, I would not have the strength to even attempt to get through these hard times. I know that I am a child of God, that He loves me and will lead me if I choose to follow. I know that Christ gave his life for me, for us so that we didn't have to suffer as he did. My suffering pales in comparison... And with Him all things are possible, so I try daily to remember that through Him I can overcome the trials I have been given.

I love each and every one of you who read this; you all have a special place in my heart as you all have touched my life in small and miraculous ways. I hope that my venting all of the feelings I've had in my heart will not make you take pity on me, but that it will give you hope that you too can get through difficult times. I know I can with faith, even if it sometimes seems out of reach. It all comes back to our Heavenly Father and our goal of returning to live with him. Thanks for listening....
Love, Jen